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Mental Health Check!!! Everybody ok?  This is a confusing time, and I find myself tending to what I can control to soothe myself.  Gardening, drums, donating money, buying from mindful businesses, and my job.  I'm still feeling thankful there.  Hope folks are well.

Thanks for sharing, Becca.  May he rest in peace.

Hey Rory.

I'm good enough, and privileged with the same job I've had for 20 years.  I'm in Bloomington just living with my cat.  The university made most of us start working from home on March 12th. And the students were asked to move home after spring break if possible.  And as of mid-night last night Indiana is under a Stay-at-home order.  The majority of town began to self-isolate as soon as the university mandated working from home.  Bloomington is pretty small, so while I would say I've seen people not taking it serious enough, it's a pretty vacant town right now and it's almost difficult to find a crowd.  We have 3 cases in our county, and 365 cases/12 deaths in the state as of yesterday.

I've been keeping busy with my job, yard work, and playing drums. Actually got a repetitive stress injury from playing drums hours a day more than usual. Trying to keep to a daily routine is helping me a bit, just so I don't get lost in time. It's supposed to be sunny and warm today, and I've been raking my yard and learning how to start composting.   

I will say, being a musician is really getting me through the isolation, and looking forward to when I can play with my band mates again.  I do miss the days when gardener/bicyclist/resourceful pixers were still a big part of town.  It was always nice to see such unity and positivity.

\m/

Hey Peeknuckle!  I remember you posting.  I feel like you regularly posted funny photos of yourself making wild faces in action. Happy to hear life is good!

Thanks, Jer!  "[img width=]" noted.

JeJaWeDa! Sound poetry and experimental music
Thursday November 14th 8pm at I Fell Bloomington
https://www.facebook.com/events/492571798259642/

I can't figure out how to make the digital flyer smaller from Facebook.

There are still some cool shows happening with some of the same musicians that ran in the PIX scene.  Like Do Ya Hear We festival in Chattanooga, and folks that used to make up Puppy Vs. Dyslexia played Bloomington last week, Crab Jackson played as Spasm Lake, and Jeremy Kennedy did a spoken word/performance art thing. 

Hi Dakota!  Whatchoo been up to?

(one time i was sending some pix orders from cairo, and i saw your name on a package and i wrote "www.internet.com" on it because i recognized your name from the board.  maybe i already told you about that? anyway, hi. and thanks for the updates about Let's Pretend, and Lifer.)

I have no opinion on sweet potatoes.

Is this part of our cvlt census questionnaire?

I love that non-regs complained about the amazing cult opportunity.

Thanks Jer, and Rory. (and congrats on the first term of grad school, Jer!)

Yep, Rory, you nailed it.  Both wonderful and scary to have an 100 year old fixer upper.  It's been a rental for decades. In fact, I was renting a room, and the landlord approached me one day and made me the offer... even the price.  All I did was say yes, and then get to work on getting the bank to approve a mortgage.  Everything was included, appliances, random junk, the landlords books, tools, etc... as well as all the problems, lol. 

I inherited a broken lawnmower, and put about $15 into it to get it starting up on the first try. It feels good.  Put another $15 into repairing two leaking faucets.  I'm saving up to do some old attic knob-and-tube electrical, so I can then insulate it in hopes of making it warmer for cheaper.

Also, the house had been on fire at some point in it's past.  The wood they used to repair it looked as old as the original wood it was built with, but the old, charred wood is still there, they just ran other planks along side the charred ones.  I'll have to take a photo.  It's really weird to sign on to being responsible for something that is older than me, and will likely out live me.

Closed on a house about two weeks ago.  It's literally 100 years old, and a bit of a fixer upper, but it is in a great location for walking and biking to everything.  I hope to fix it up and host some shows there in the future... we'll see. I know a house isn't for everyone, but I feel like I've been running to keep up with life, and this feels like I can dig in and not wonder where I'm going to live every year, if that makes sense.

Way to go, Jer.

It's good that you are seeking things that make you smile.  I think I know the feeling, and I think it is very common in creative people.

There was a five year period in my mid 30s that feels like a lost time.  I was more focused on my job and money, than I was my health and happiness.  I was always playing music, I just felt ashamed of my love for it, and put myself down with thoughts that it was for kids, and that I should grow up.  One day I was ranting about it on my way to a music session, and my friend said "if you are still doing this at your age, you are a fucking lifer."  I don't know why, but hearing it changed everything for me.  I became aware that I was fighting myself and what brought me happiness.  That I didn't want to die feeling that way. It's like I had to learn to give myself permission to pursue happiness.

I'm in my 40s, now. I play music twice a week with two different groups.  I am playing and hosting two touring groups in April who are also middle aged. I was a show last night with a bunch of other middle aged folks, a handful of them brought their kids.  I have been taking drum lessons for a year, and I love how much it has added to my happiness.  By giving myself permission I have stumbled into a community that values my participation, and the community keeps growing. 

Shit, Daun and Chris from The Door-Keys(lesser known PIX band) are now in a band called The Evening Standards and they fucking blew my face off maybe a month ago. Chills through my whole body.  They are better than ever.  And that youthful punk rock passion still courses through them.   Let it.  These communities want you.

good read!  Inspired me to get up and cook some food, lol.

A lot of the musicians are still playing music, too.  Some folks from The Door-Keys and Future Virgins released an album in 2018 under the band name Evening Standards. https://letspretendrecords1.bandcamp.com/album/evening-standards-s-t

Maybe we could hire a bounty hunter to track down all the old bands.

Haha, I just remembered PIX had the Champagne Room, lol.

was it Peter with the lightning bug tattoo?  Haven't seen him, Vagroaches, or Ian in a long while.  Tague still posts, haven't seen Rainey in a long while, but I think he stuck around longer that the others.

I used to lurk as Dreamy.

I'm in a couple new music project that are about to record that I am very excited about. It feels good to be getting back into the swing of things, even though I'm 29 and sometimes feel silly for being a musician. I play guitar now and I'm extremely reluctant to call myself a guitar player, but I'm eventually going to have to get over it.

Congrats on the house, Rory!

I spent a lot of years feeling shame for loving music, but thankfully I am now aware that I'm a lifer.  Playing music, specifically drums, informs me so much of myself and the world around me.  I am happy to give myself over to it.

Do you not want to see them at all, or just not in general social settings?

That is a good question.  I typically don't want to see them at all when I get depressed. I feel like I can't relate to my friends and that they can't relate to me... even if it isn't reality. 

I do show up for my band practices, but that is fairly spiritual for me, and I don't know if I think of my bandmates as friends, since we only get together to play music and we don't really interact outside of rehearsals and performances. I do mention my depression to one of my bandmates in a matter of fact way, like "yeah, I've kind of been battling depression for a few weeks, but I'm eating right and getting exercise now that I'm aware I'm in it, so if I seem quiet tonight it is because I'm just trying to wade through it."

As I get older my depression gets milder, but not necessarily less dark.  I think I've just gotten better at self-talk and acceptance.  When I'm in it, it doesn't feel like it will pass and that there is no hope, lol, but I have enough experience with it to know that it does pass.  I don't take prescriptions meds, because I'm afraid I will abuse them (it runs in my family).

Ultimately, I'm ok with how I deal with my depression, I just struggle with maintaining some of my friendships, because I stop responding to invitations for awhile... and sometimes I just cut a person out because they clearly don't get it, even though I've attempted to explain it. Thanks for your thoughts, Courtney. I'm happy you are in a positive place.

THREAD IS RISEN!: (fyi, in case you continue a convo from above this post.)

I get to where I don't want to see my friends, and definitely not my acquaintances.  Strangers are less than comfortable, but I get by.  Working is often like being a robot.

I don't want coddling from my friends, but I hope no one takes my absence personally.  It's just a weird challenge, and if a friend has an emergency, I will help.

I have a tattoo on the palm of my hand that was inspired by a trip to Gainesville Fest with One Reason.  I'm pretty sure no one in that van thinks I'm a cool dude, though.

i think dogs should vote

I know I voted for the boy mayor of Second Life and his vice president/best friend Totinos.

I binge watched the internet and now there are no inside jokes.

I have found the same, Blake, you aren't alone in that.  I've had the same with doctors, too, and I still haven't found a good match. 

Blake, I have PTSD and I have found that Todd Whitlock's dentist office has been the most empathetic office I've ever dealt with.  One of the questions on their intake forms allowed for making a personal statement on what might help them serve you better as a patient, and that's where I mentioned some stuff about my experiences.   The dentist acknowledged my concerns without judgement or prying.  If your insurance covers them, they might be a good fit for you.