My boss and company are such lying, manipulative assholes. I don't understand how people like that get by in this world. Sometimes I feel like I fall into this pit while I'm working where I feel like since I've been putting up with this bullshit for so long, I can't do any better. The pay is shit and I've been working hard when they dangle benefits like "health insurance," "paid time off," "holiday pay," "401(k)," and "commission" in front of me. Whenever the project is done, though, it's always the same: "Oh, we're still working on it." or "Oh, we've decided we're not doing that at this time." There are no benefits and you just get shit on and sidelined. That's what my company does. And then the CEO has the fucking audacity to say how he wants us to be "successful" and "not just scrape by, living paycheck to paycheck, but be financially successful" because he "wants the best for all of us" because we are his "family." It's all bullshit. My company breaks labor laws, does shady business, and flat out lies. I know this. I want out.
So why the can't I muster up the motivation some days to apply for jobs and change my situation? Why do I keep feeling like I can't do any better? Why do I feel like I'm not worth being able to get a job where I can actually use my physics degree? When people find out about my degree, they're all, "Oh wow, you must have a really great career! Such a useful degree!" when I just want to slap them and tell them to shut the fuck up because I've been struggling for the past 3 years that I've been out of college and things aren't looking up.
But I'm struggling because I don't put forth the effort. I don't put forth the effort because somehow I convince myself that it's useless. I worry that my self esteem has just plummeted since I've been working this job for the past year and a half or whatever.
Anyone have any ideas for getting and staying motivated?