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[manmagic]

Don't really have anywhere else I post where people don't really know who I am, but I need to put this out there somewhere because it's fucking me up inside.

My wife who I have been with for 10+ years and have a 4 year old with told me she cheated on me 6 months ago today. It's absolutely killing me inside. I don't know what to do. Can't even begin to process the entire thing. Just spent hours crying and trying to talk about it with her, but I'm absolutely freaking gutted right now.

Not sure what I want anyone to say or what I am hoping to accomplish from this post, but I needed to put it out there and tell someone. My three best friends don't live in the same city as me and while I have friends here there aren't really any I feel close enough with to talk to in person about this, so right now I'm stuck just bottling it up and dealing with it all on my own and I hate that.

Guess that's it. Hope your lives are going a little better than mine.

[manmagic]

Ha I think I killed the vibe that had people posting here for a few days. Nice.

[Courtney]

Ugh, I'm so sorry to hear you're going through this. Having your trust so completely violated, there's no easy answer, no clear advice. I hope you're able to figure out what's best for you, your family, and your mental health moving forward.

[momitsnowme]

I'm so sorry, how shitty.
I hope you get some sort of resolution/way forward soon.  <3

[hatmoose]

it's kind of painful for me to talk about but this happened with me and the person i'm seeing presently, back in september /october of last year. we're still together. it works most of the time because we (hopefully) both understand that the relationship should just end if one of us is unhappy in it or whatever, but it does fucking suck and is painful. honestly i try not to think about it too much.

i don't know if it's good advice or anything but i would try to get a feeling about whether it works for you two to continue, if that's something you're both interested in. it's okay if you two wind up splitting up over it. i know that will completely fuck up your shit and it is terrifying but you have to place your self and your future ability to be happy above temporary crisis. i know that's assuming that kind of split is financially viable which is a massive assumption.

i'm sorry this happened to you

[manmagic]

it's kind of painful for me to talk about but this happened with me and the person i'm seeing presently, back in september /october of last year. we're still together. it works most of the time because we (hopefully) both understand that the relationship should just end if one of us is unhappy in it or whatever, but it does fucking suck and is painful. honestly i try not to think about it too much.

i don't know if it's good advice or anything but i would try to get a feeling about whether it works for you two to continue, if that's something you're both interested in. it's okay if you two wind up splitting up over it. i know that will completely fuck up your shit and it is terrifying but you have to place your self and your future ability to be happy above temporary crisis. i know that's assuming that kind of split is financially viable which is a massive assumption.

i'm sorry this happened to you

Thanks for this response, it does help to hear this stuff.

Also whoever saw me make this post and gave me a punx point, you are the real MVP.

[BlakeK]

i don't know if it's good advice or anything but i would try to get a feeling about whether it works for you two to continue, if that's something you're both interested in. it's okay if you two wind up splitting up over it. i know that will completely fuck up your shit and it is terrifying but you have to place your self and your future ability to be happy above temporary crisis. i know that's assuming that kind of split is financially viable which is a massive assumption.

i'm sorry this happened to you

I'm glad someone offered some advice and support via sharing their own experience. I wanted to touch on the idea of ending the relationship. I have done a lot of work with couples and from my experience I have never seen a relationship fully recover from infidelity. I've seen couples get to the point where they can continue in their marriage/relationship and manage to be reasonably happy but generally speaking the person who did not cheat always is looking over their shoulder and anxiety about the past is easily triggered by anything that reminds that person of their partner being unfaithful. I don't know if you are willing to keep going for the sake of your family knowing that you may never feel secure in the relationship again and be honest with yourself about whether or not you can handle that without being miserable.

I don't know the circumstances surrounding the cheating but it is definitely necessary to explore the issues that led to it. I highly recommend counseling so that you can get an unbiased 3rd party to work with you and your wife on figuring out whether or not you and her can continue in your marriage and heal.

[Uncle]

 My heart goes out to you. Im interested in how her communication has been with you since telling you. Has she been readily willing to discuss everything about it? Like why, who, how? Ive been lucky enough to only have this happen (that i know of) in relationships that werent too serious. But I do know that its nearly impossible to regain trust without the offending party being completely open, honest, and nurturing. I dont agree with people who say you could never trust them again. But if they aren't willing to do all the hard work (a long time spent trying  to make you comfortable in the relationship again, counseling, a lot of reassurance, a lot of uncomfortable conversations, etc) to help you regain trust then you're probably gonna have to leave eventually. I know it hurts like hell, and it may seem bleak. But please remember that people go through this all the time and eventually make it to the other side happy and healthy. You'll get there too no matter how you end up handling it. I dont know you, but no one deserves that and im rooting for you.