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[pronetoaccidents]

it's funny the things we take for granted. i see a pattern in my life, during the happiest periods i always find something to be miserable about and when i do something to fuck up those periods, i see how inconsequential everything i worried about was and i'd trade anything to go back to it.

i lost my girlfriend, the only woman i have ever loved and ever will love. i'm about to lose my apartment. i had a bad relapse and i don't see the point in stopping. I've always been codependent, i made my whole life about someone. every decision i made was for them. i lost my friends, family because i blew them off for years just to sit around with her. A week ago I checked myself into the hospital because I knew if I didn't I was going to kill myself. Now I'm out and I don't know what to do. I've been saving my pills up and the only thing stopping me is i don't want to put my father and brother and aunt through it. After my moms death they couldn't handle it.

but what kind of life is that? living just to make others happy? I'm tired of that... too tired.

[momitsnowme]

I sent you a Facebook message, Ryan

[RankResistance]

I really hate to hear this and I feel for you. I don't have any "good" advice beyond the generic things that are always way easier said that done. I will, however, listen if you need to talk and help however I'm able to do so. Your life matters and I hope you can get the help you deserve.

[pronetoaccidents]

thank you.. I just thought i'd check in to let y'all know I'm still here. one day at a time. making a post like the one I did and then not saying anything could scare someone

[momitsnowme]

Check your messages again! I just sent you a ton!!