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[Anna Karina]

- It appears I've had a falling out with my best friend and I have no idea on possible reasons why.


edit:
+ It appears that is not the case.

[Phitney]

- Family arguments about the goings on in Ferguson. Argh
+/- Told my family I was moving back to California and my grandma about shit a brick. I've set a move date for March 28th, so I  would leave Virginia four days before that to drive. If I don't have a different job by then, I'll just transition back to working in the office at my current job and job hunt on the side. It might be easier to find a job if I'm already there.
+ Applying for jobs, feeling super productive
+ Aaron and I are gonna hang out in Atlanta on Saturday and he's gonna come to the roller derby scrimmage-a-thon that I'm reffing and we're gonna eat the best food at some yet-to-be-determined place!

[kw]

+ officially moving, and after setting the date as the 15th, its been moved up to this upcoming thursday. really excited, a bit nervous, but mostly stoked. hoping i will continue to feel reinvigorated and do positive things for my brain and body. that is what is most important right now.

[bee]

- i keep finding saturdays hard as it's the only day i spend most of my shift at work alone and i get way too introspective and usually end up coming home and crying. today was no different.
+ however, my roommate made me dinner and a cutie brought me my favourite donut from their workplace
- someone owes me money and has been avoiding giving it to me for a few weeks now. i'd be less stressed if it was a friend but it's a business thing and today it has really made me anxious
+ made further plans for my trip to california in feb
+/- for most of my time in california i'll be staying with someone who i briefly lived in the same city as a few years ago. we sorta used to be sweet on each other and then lost contact for maybe 4 years? we recently got back in touch kind of sporadically, but in the last week or two it has progressed to talking most days (texting and phone) which we have both agreed that we are enjoying, and have also basically said we are into each other again despite not having seen each other in real life in quite some time. but yesterday they kind of made a few things into a bigger deal than i feel they are at this time and it's made me a bit uncomfortable, and i have not heard from them since and feel like i have left the ball in their court, so on one hand i'm stoked and on the other i'm a little wary. i think all i want really is a nice cuddle.

[AaronTheCabe]

+been feeling a bit better recently, thanks to dakota and whitney, hangin' with whitney is the first time i've gotten out of the house in a long time
+drove thru the city to meet her, the first time ever since my former panic attacks in driving had always made me use the train but MARTA is just the worst and hardly goes throughout the city of atlanta. it needs to be twice as big with smaller rails connecting the outer perimeter and metro areas to it as well. i could go on and on about my love of public transportation but we all know you wouldn't read it
+thinking about going back to pure vegetarian or pescetarian, forgot how much i love vegan/vegetarian food and i have the $ to afford it now.
+might be playing a show a week from tomorrow if Dakota can't find any other bands to help support a touring band at a house show he's booked
+My boss thinks that i will soon have the knowledge and ability to basically run any uhaul store soon and i may have the chance to move out of GA within a year. Considering California, where Whitney might have a room available, Portland, Ore. because why not!, and maybe even Phoenix Arizona if i try for a corporate Uhaul position. Working at Uhaul has been the first big company that ever acknowledged my hard work, promoted me for it, and is specifically interested in my future plans/ideas
+/- don't know what all this means for those five remaining college classes. Man i chose a shit time in my life to get on meth, glad i'm off and seeing the future
+ still off meth! mayhap always off meth!
-meth recovery has met me some challenges and i still remain suicidal a large portion of my waking (and even dream) time. low sex drive and other physcial abnormalities will hopefully remedy soon
+/- still not sure if my life is just beginning or if my life is over and i'm just trying to make a couple of dreams come true before i jump off a bridge. its a very dichotomous time of my life right now

[Anna Karina]

- I am incredibly fucking lonely and have been for years

[kw]

+ i am sitting at my desk in my new room on the third floor of a lovely house in st. catharines, ontario. my feline companions are so happy to have a plethora of windows to look out, the two roommates who aren't my partner seem so happy to have me here and were so helpful when i was moving in, and my partner has been just tremendous throughout this whole move. communicative, helpful, understanding when i get anxious and stressed out. i am really happy i made this move, and think it will be the prelude to a really exciting and positive 2015. at least i hope!

+ going back to toronto next week for 4 days to see the hold steady play a 4-night residency at a legendary venue in town. couldn't be more excited.

[AaronTheCabe]

+/- SAD SAD SAD, happy happy happy, hypomanic hypomanic hypomanic, suicide and carpe diem, giving gifts, being forgotten, loving music, hating that no one likes my own, et cetera et cetera et cetera

[AaronTheCabe]

EDIT:

my apologies, i did not mean to worry anyone. I have been hypomanic (or manic i can't tell the difference) for the last three which included such wonderful ideas as walking on broken glass to show [to myself] i have no fear, believing i am a better poet than TS Eliot, and the thing thats always therew hen i get manic, a messiahnic complex this time in the form of a great book to sassve/change the world and then die for the cause. In the past its manifested where i thought i would be enlightened like buddha or jesus (by the age of 23) and i once went a whole week thinking i was our world's Kwizhach Hederach  from the novel dune (a book ironically about the messiah complex as it is about other things) and the holidays are especially bad for me with my birthday (saddest day) and thanksgiving and christmas (i successfully committed suicide christmas eve 2007, just survived the ordeal)

I will take a break for awhile after writing stupid shit like this. but if anyone does want a surprise coffee-tea-beer-soda just pm address or write in that post. thanks and sorry again

[rory]

+ My partner, after being away to gradschool for the last few months, is moving back in. She hates her program so she's leaving and coming back here to figure things out!
- I feel like the last 3 months I worked hard to attempt to reach out to new people, and that all of those attempts might be stunted from here on out.
+ But I am excited about the new era of my household, and I think it's going to be a good/productive one.
- One of my co-workers got punched in the face while at work. She's fine, but it makes me very frustrated and saddened. It also makes me more wary to confront people at work about anything at all.
- I don't know how to help some of my friends in some hard times, and it's breaking my heart.
+ recording and booking a tour!

[momitsnowme]

Aaron, I'm so sorry you are feeling this way. You're right that there are people here who care and I know it is more than 3 or 4. I am begging you to get some professional help. We will support you in any way we can. We want you around here.

[BlakeK]

Aaron, if you see this, please message me, Becca, or anyone else you'd feel comfortable talking to. If you don't want to talk to us, please call 911. Here is a number for the national mental health crisis hotline 1-800-273-8255. Please call or contact one of us immediately so that we know you are okay. You  have people here who are very worried about you and who care about you.

If you don't want to talk to anyone over the phone you can chat instead of talk at http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/

[momitsnowme]

09 The Vandals - Come Out Fighting: http://youtu.be/txoLt_YIj-w

[Rapture Ready Blowhard]

Aaron, I just wanted to reiterate what Becca and Blake have said.  Please feel free to email me any time, and don't be afraid to seek out professional help.

[BlakeK]

I'm glad you posted, Aaron. Becca and I were very worried about you. I'm sure others were as well as RRB (sorry I don't know your real name) also posted concerns. You definitely need help and that isn't a criticism or anything to be ashamed of. I think that most people on here including myself have sought professional help for psychological problems. It sounds like you're bipolar and need medication ASAP as you are at high risk for relapse given your untreated mental illness.

We really do care so please feel free to PM, call, or email one of us if you need someone to talk to or if you need help getting started addressing your mental health issues.

[Phitney]

Aaron, I don't know what was in your post before you edited, but please feel free to reach out to me anytime. You have my number, e-mail, and facebook, so never ever hesitate to contact me. I want you to be okay <3

[momitsnowme]

You don't need to apologize, aaron. We all care about you and were worried. I'm so glad you feel like you can talk to us about all of this and I hope you remember that next time you're having a hard time. And like Blake said, lots of us are always here to talk and have been through mental health issues.

[bee]

+ seemingly on pretty good terms with a person i came out of a pretty important relationship with a couple of months ago. we both agreed we wanted to stay in each other's lives and fingers crossed that seems to be working for us right now.
+ had a date with a cute human who i was worried i wouldn't have much in common with (dating outside of punx = scary) but it was really good and we are hanging out tonight and they want to kiss me and i want to kiss them so it's a cool situation
+ an old friend is coming from far away to stay for a couple of weeks over christmas and new year which should be nice.
+ generally feeling quite positive about myself and my life right now?

[dakotafloyd]

Aaron, if you need to get away from your house for a bit, you're more than welcome to come hang out with me.  You don't live too far down the road, and I'm finished with school for the semester.  I've still got work and stuff going on, but don't hesitate to shoot me a text or FB message or give me a call.

[michaelcopeland]

- Arkansas is lame and this whole move is starting to feel like a mistake. It isn't turning out like it was supposed to at all
- Songwriting has slowed to a halt and I'm afraid I will never write anything again
+ I think that a lot and I always find inspiration again
+ I feel this giant existential crisis coming to an end
+/- I'm kind of starting to feel apathetic about everything
- lately I've been distancing myself from everyone, some reason I've been having trouble working up the nerve to talk to people

[AaronTheCabe]

I would just like to say the compassion and overwhelming response is the nicest thing anybody, person, or group or anything has ever done for me and that it says a lot about this community and the integrity and love that is shared. thankee sai to all you. there really aren't words to express the feels

::HUGS:: all round

[momitsnowme]

<3

[rory]

+ One of my bands released a split 7" with a band I really like, and I got to design the cover for our side! It looks pretty cool seeing it up on an actual site
http://alreadydeadtapes.storenvy.com/products/11523993-regular-fucked-up-people-boring-people-split-7-ad157
+ My partner is back, and one of my best friends has also moved into my house, so things have been pretty stellar
+ Setting up a tour for one of my other bands has been going pretty smoothly
+ I'm trying to work out regularly and drink less and also read more, and so far so good.
- I'm kind of worried that all the effort I did to make new friends while my partner was gone will be for nothing unless I put in the effort to keep contact. I don't want to just forget new people in my life now that things are more stable, because some new folks were really cool / I felt a good connection with.

[bee]

+ going to california in a couple of weeks. it'll be weird and awesome to stay with an old friend who i haven't seen in years, and to escape the cold of toronto
+/- rushing myself trying to complete some zines in time for the LA zine fest. i should have been more organised but i never am
+ started a second job recently which means more $$$
- had some medication difficulties the past few days but hopefully that's resolving itself
+ getting a clearer idea of what i need to change in my life in terms of responsibilities and also people. it feels positive doing this, especially as this is usually a hard/weird time of year for me. last year i didn't cope well around this time but this year i'm determined to keep a clear head and do what i need

[dakotafloyd]

- Car died and is now en route to a junk yard.  No money for a new vehicle right now, but I absolutely need one for my current work / school situation.
- Feeling listless about lots of things.  School.  Work.  Writing.  Shows.  Generally spending time with people.
+ Made some Japanese-inspired soup from scratch this evening that was decently tasty.
+ Tried a handful of new sodas this week, including a Russian tarragon soda.
+ My band's 7"s that we ordered 11 months ago finally came in last night.