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I HATE IT!

it takes forever for me to get used to stuff.

when the new years happens it takes me like 6 months to realize its a new year. i never set the clocks back or forward on the designated days (thank god for technology to do it itself). i just want things to stay they are forever. me, the love of my life, laying in bed, holding each other forever. and every know and then i tip toe up while shes still slepeing kiss her on the forehead and see if anyone gotta rise outta my clever retorts. but you went and changed it and ruined everything you sick son of a bitch!!

jkjkjkjk. we are a resilient bunch, we PIXers. don't know what quite unites us. we don't all listen to folk punk. most don't actually. so what is it? some strange fate that we all stumbled here and found camaraderie like the breakfast club?

i browed the old boards a little.. i didn't want to. i thought it would make me feel old and worthless and a hypocrite because i probably was talking about all the stuff i wanna accomplish and it dates back to 10 years ago and all i can say is i'm not shooting heroin but i'm "prescription meds" from a shady doctor. but hey, i have a beautiful girl, i'm almost done with my sprawling brutal crime epic story and life is as good or better than its been in a long, long time. so yeah. didn't wanan look but i peeked. man, we were fucking kids bickering about such bullshiit. it's unbelieable. we looked like kids in the park on recess arguing over who goes on the fucking monkeybars first or something.

no dice! I proposed a PIX lottery like 10,0000 times already and i practically had to lay down on the floor while everyone on the board lined up until they were standing directly over my open mouth and took a shit in it. i got turned down so much and the idea was genius.

so, here again, is my sales pitch..]

we have a lot of members. and A LOT of guests. if everyone contributed one daily monthly and it was a literally that the winner got to keep the money which would be a couple hundred. and if there's some illegal loterally loophole that dollar contribution to the lottery could be called something else.. i dunno, a special PIX club. a dollar gets you an empty letter but cris clavin licked the envelope shut. 5 dollars gets you one with mikey erg or something and complete with whatever bands his with this day. and if you contribute more i'll come over and give you fellatio and/cunninglus or a mixtape. it's up to you. you're the lucky winner. see.. so the higher you enter the more money you win? eh? eh? EH??

there's gotta be someone down with me and someone trust worthy we can send the money to and he picks the winner outta a hat. and some of the money goes to charity. okay? so everyone's happy!! for REAL

eh its okay. everyone can probably get a good idea. i'm white. i sometimes wear those warm winter hats in the summer at basement shows. i have a black flag tattoo. i have various stick and poke disasters on various parts of my body strategically like grenades that make no sense to anyone other than a very small group of old friends, who are slowly dwindling away, i wear buddy holly glasses. i try to wear band shirts but they usually smell the worst. i pick what smells best on the top my hamper. today its my fathers fire department shirt. cool. i have curly brown hair. green eyes. the most beautiful bandmate/fiance/best friend/enabler/ lover/muse in the world. i'd be nocturnal if i didn't have to catch the tail end of my methadone program (story up 30 seconds before they close).. and yeah, thats me. i look like just about every confused 20 something desperately trying to find something to cling on to, drowning and waiting for a life vest or floating body.

thanks for the heads up buddy. i figured out one of the pictures. you're just going to have to assume my girlfriend was once a gladiator and got her eyes gouged out and i'm a horribly disfigured hunchback whom no one could ever love and i saved her at the marketplace and being blind and all she couldn't see i was a monster and only saw within .. MY TRUE BEAUTIFUL HEART

me and my fiance/best friend/bandmate/muse
We're in all the magazines
Gulpin' down thorazines

I had this vague memory of a horrifyingly fucked up game that was in that collection of old games the elementary school apple computers used to have. sure everyone remembers and talks about oregon trail but does anyone remember... Freedom??

All I remember was you had to follow the north star to escape and if you got caught they said you were going to get your legs cut off so you could never run again. it was brutal and horrirble and so much so i started thinking i made it up in my mind somehow and it couldn't have existed so today i had nothing to do and finally had to look it up and see...

low and behold...

"Freedom! was an educational computer game developed by MECC. The player assumed the role of a runaway slave in the Antebellum Period of American history who was trying to reach the North through the Underground Railroad. The game met a mixed reception; some educators found it valuable while others found it racially offensive due to its use of stereotyped speech by slave characters.

In 1993, a group of offended parents sued a school which had provided the game to students and MECC, the developer. The game was pulled off the market as a result."

"Gameplay
Players choose one of two characters. The male character was typically illiterate; written signs and notes appeared onscreen as indecipherable symbols. The male character receives a pass from his slavemaster in order to escape to the North. The female character is sometimes able to read and write, and is able to forge a pass in order to run, in addition to asking for a pass. Players attempt to avoid slavecatchers, who may or may not perceive their character's pass as legitimate."