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Trabajando en mi español y mudarme a Puerto Rico y/o España
El plan, en serio, mi novio y yo
Chinga esto país

I just can't fucking take it anymore. We're both working on health careers so hopefully we can transplant. We're trying to be honest with ourselves if we can live somewhere that is having resource issues and possible political upheaval (seems like the straws may finally break the camels back this time). I say yes but, you know, maybe we'll go there for a year or two and see. We're both PR so it'd also be a little bit of coming home in a way also. But if not, we can get expedited Spanish residency thanks to PR citizenship (super interesting!).

The internet has really fucked political discourse up bad. The confirmation bias available is so much more extreme than it ever was before, imo, and everyone is just going in fucking circles when you argue with your shitty family about not shooting black people every week and they don't care what you have to say, and the left won't fight back in a militant, organized, thought out way so fuck it. Not saying those other places are perfect but holy shit I just can't do this place anymore (but I was saying this before trump was on the scene). And clearly we have not advanced since fucking Jim Crow and we should stop pretending. We just get the fucking pigs to do our killing and locking up for us, and permit it, and fund it, and pretend like it's not our fault. I don't know how we ever get past our entire national fucking history so I really want to just quit after being active in political work of all sorts for a long, long time. It's not a I'M GONNA MOVE TO CANADA empty shit thing after doing nothing to try to change things. It's being ground down after trying really hard, politically and personally. If I'm going to be stuck in this world and this body and this brain, it may as well not be in a country I've hated since I can remember and can't do anything to change. At least I won't feel so responsible. And hey, decolonization can be literal, right?

were carrie nations and this bike on pix south and that is relevant to them being posted/not posted to bandcamp?

i think i was a really frustrating human being, at least in the way i would interact half the time. i apologize for that now. i think i'm in a better and more medicated place, heh. i'm still a ball of spite but i know where to point it now.

but this isn't about me, this is for our odes to plan it x. x is dead, long live x, etc.

my username is my name, if sami was here they could tell you. i was even supposed to be in the boardie photo at pix 12/spoons called me to come down but i was busy bussing tables!

since all my usernames seemed to have evaporated... this is what i wrote on fb. i do think that there are more representative scenes these days and thats important to me, but like i say here - i at least felt okay sorting my shit out here and that was really important for this very queer thought-i-was-a-boy to now a pretty lezzy trans girl.

"I know there's some criticism (some of it very valid, some of it just 2010s griping) around the whole scene and the label, but while I'm 100% for the decision made and fully support it, there's a big part of me that's sad that Plan-It-X is closed and shuttering in the next few months. Honestly, it helped create a scene and a place where, growing up in the south/rural areas often in a military "community" and tough guy music scenes, I felt like I could be not masculine, I could be gay/queer/wonkygender/a woman, where I could have some fucking feelings and not tough-guy it out. Thank god I found some torrents of some of those first records, and more importantly thank god I was near Pensacola where a lot of bands came through and have at least a little of that sensibility diffuse across the state line (at least through people I knew), and thank god I got to meet people and make connections, some of whom are still friends today and I've spent a lot of time with and been very close to and intimate with. It's meant a lot. I know there are more diverse scenes now, and I'm so fucking happy about that, they're needed and important. I'm just saying that was my first and was what I needed in a place and time I was in. All things die and that's fine, let it be put to rest. But it's a good excuse to think about them."

What was your old username? I've seen a few new posters pop up lately which I find odd but good, of course.

i honestly am fuzzed out on it. memory loss, disassociation. if someone can tell me thatd be awesome, lmao. i signed up in early 2005 after a couple years listening/going to shows.

posting as a tactile way to help me remember to hook up my old music hdd tomorrow, i think i have some stuff

i dont honestly remember my 2005 user name that has since been deleted but if yall remember me, hey. i think i look p good these days, even with this terrible webcam

yes, i'm diagnosed bipolar. i'm taking lamictal. it's... okay. i think i need a higher dose, but i think i missed my re-eval this week because i need a higher dose lmao. i tend to be more depressive than manic, i do have my manic phases but it isnt a 1:1 thing, and i think a lot of my mania will be as much manic trends as they are incidents. i'll be depressed and suicidal, but also move through the world in a manic trend, making irresponsible or impulsive decisions and plans over a course of time. i guess that's what they call a mixed state. but my psych said lamictal is good for mood stabilization in ways that ssris wouldn't be for me, in his opinion. i'm not sure if this is helpful at all?

since all my usernames seemed to have evaporated... this is what i wrote on fb. i do think that there are more representative scenes these days and thats important to me, but like i say here - i at least felt okay sorting my shit out here and that was really important for this very queer thought-i-was-a-boy to now a pretty lezzy trans girl.

"I know there's some criticism (some of it very valid, some of it just 2010s griping) around the whole scene and the label, but while I'm 100% for the decision made and fully support it, there's a big part of me that's sad that Plan-It-X is closed and shuttering in the next few months. Honestly, it helped create a scene and a place where, growing up in the south/rural areas often in a military "community" and tough guy music scenes, I felt like I could be not masculine, I could be gay/queer/wonkygender/a woman, where I could have some fucking feelings and not tough-guy it out. Thank god I found some torrents of some of those first records, and more importantly thank god I was near Pensacola where a lot of bands came through and have at least a little of that sensibility diffuse across the state line (at least through people I knew), and thank god I got to meet people and make connections, some of whom are still friends today and I've spent a lot of time with and been very close to and intimate with. It's meant a lot. I know there are more diverse scenes now, and I'm so fucking happy about that, they're needed and important. I'm just saying that was my first and was what I needed in a place and time I was in. All things die and that's fine, let it be put to rest. But it's a good excuse to think about them."