okay so i wanted some genuine opinions on this one.. I've been thinking about everything that has come to light and the repulsion i feel towards the world that seems almost hopeless in its wretchedness (sorry to sound almost old testament like) and it's made me think about myself. I always try to look at myself. I'm going to admit things that I'm not proud of. Things I didn't think much about at the time because heavy drug use was a factor (and i don't say this to even go fishing for an iota of an excuse, i only mention it because all it did was keep me from looking at myself after the fact.) I'm learning a lot about consent, I'm learning a lot about a lot of things. and all that comes to mind for myself are these random instances.. being much younger, like 12, 13 when I first became interested in bodily pleasure, etc, you know it, you've all been thru it. however, I remember keeping my ears open to whomever was considered the "slut" at the time (and i cringe even thinking about this or talking like this because i'm referring to a child now when i describe this, even though we were the same age at the time) and I would actively seek them out knowing they were very easy. now I can see that there's a strong chance that if they were promiscuous at that age there's a very strong chance that they either had cripplingly low self esteem and thought that's what it would take for a guy, someone, anyone to like them and/or there was sexual abuse?
is it wrong for me to assume that those were the only two options? I don't know. I'm willing to admit I'm far from an expert and I'm only posting this and asking because I always try to learn. to strive to be a better individual in the moment and foreseeable future.
of course I never forced myself on them, only sought out those that I knew would be almost tragically easy.
I don't know. it's just on my mind. this might be totally irrelevant but when I think about it, if someone wasn't interested, and didn't NOT consent explicitly, perhaps were too embarrassed or ashamed or for whatever reason didn't verbalize that, does it diminish anything?
i dunno. the world is sad and confusing and I'm trying to learn more and more each day.