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I mean, it's not like we're bffs. He and his music and that scene are/were just really important to me and I liked thinking of him as a friend. I hope he acknowledges all of this in an actually productive way and makes some amends

I've been talking to everyone I trust with any insight and feel like a creep but I also feel betrayed and want to know the extent of how shitty people have been.

However I think there is more to the story of the falling out.

One of the people I spoke with does not think the two are related but admits that many people have been aware of Chris being creepy and manipulative.

Another person I talked to left the scene because it is all a mess and was convinced by Paul that people were acting shitty, which now seems to be coming to light.

I don't want to break any confidentiality but I've been touch with Paul as well as two people who I trust who are in that scene. It seems like him being critical of the manipulative behavior of Chris and many others is part of why he left that community. It seems like he and others were aware of the shit Ryan has been accused of and that Chris raised red flags and has manipulative tendencies. It seems like the allegations of sexual abuse by Chris are new though.

Well even with my rant about it not being a huge surprise, I'm having a harder time than I expected with his new post today. Him admitting it, comments coming out about there being at least four people who have come forward...ugh. I did some digging and people were making claims on Tumblr in 2014 and 2015. A couple of those name Ryan from Defiance, OH as well, as does a comment on the post today, so I don't even know, man. So fucked up.

I said it wouldn't surprise me, but to this extent?? And possibly Ryan too? Regardless, the silence of Defiance OH, Toby Foster, and everyone else in the Bloomington pix scene is deafening to me today.

I'm angry right now...angry that I just sent Chris money recently in the midst of him emotionally manipulating people, angry I've let him stay at my home, angry this now will taint the memories from pix fest and everything else, angry I can't share his music with my kids in the same way now, angry that I again feel like there is essentially no safe place in punk for women (which I thought pix was the answer to). I don't know. Ugh.

I'm glad he's going to therapy. Part of me is chicken shit to actually comment on Facebook and is worried what he'll think if he reads this because I don't want to burn bridges as a friend. But then I think fuck you...I probably have those feelings because of the same manipulative one-way "friendship" tactics he uses on everyone. Ugh.

this shit is fucked. I really hope that the victim finds some sort of peace. I do also hope that for Chris, in a way that is hard to talk about.

This

Congratulations!
I've been trying to find a publisher for my novel so any advice you have I'd appreciate!

But also that fucking thread on Facebook. People calling the victim manipulative, lying, etc. Can you imagine what it would be like to be someone with an unreported sexual assault reading that? Fucking of course nobody reports this shit.

I had dreams last night about being roofied and raped. I have very mixed feelings about the extent to which trigger warnings are used, but Jesus. The situation itself is shitty enough but reading people being absolute assholes sucks.

So basically either way, I have to just assume the screenshot is accurate, especially until I hear what he has to say about it.

I am guessing the reality is something like the second option. People are really complicated. We live in a complicated culture. I don't think he's a bad person. I think he probably understands that it's pretty fucked up and probably feels like shit. I expect and hope he'll address it all.

I really don't know if I can articulate all of them. But here are some.

Reading the screenshot surprised and disappointed me but I also can't say I'm shocked. For one thing, there are very few people in the world, sadly, that this would absolutely SHOCK me about. Like surprise me, yes, but shock me to the point of not even believing it? Not many. With the risk of making this about me, when it really shouldn't be, it's probably because I've been molested/assaulted four times, two of which were by people who were supposedly punks/feminists. I don't mean it in like a "I don't trust anyone" way...more just like my view of anyone can adapt to include this shit pretty easily because we live in a fucked up culture and people are complicated and I've witnessed that first hand.

But also because the description of the other aspects of his behavior seem pretty honest. I consider Chris a friend. His art is really important to me. He's the reason I met Jer. He drew our wedding invitations. Etc. But I've been weirded out before by his influence over people younger than him and ways he has used it. I felt weird about him encouraging people to buy shit houses in Cairo when that whole thing was happening. I don't know if he necessarily wants the kind of influence he has over kids, but he has it, and I don't know if he always uses it super responsibly, so believing he would use it in the same way in a sexual/romantic context doesn't really seem that out of line with what I've seen. I also believe he would use suicide threats as an emotional control tactic because I've seen it several times lately on Facebook from him.

As far as the molestation stuff, I saw some people comment on the thread who know the person and said it definitely happened, other people have confided similar stories to them, etc. But also, even without any other "evidence" or "witnesses" I really can't do anything other than believe the person reporting. Reporting this stuff is fucking hard. I didn't do shit about it any of the times it happened to me. I probably would have been even less likely to if it had been someone well known and liked. I figure there are a few possibilities:

1. Chris molested someone knowingly, maliciously, in which case, fuck him and how he feels about people's responses.

2. Chris molested someone either because he isn't clear on consent, he didn't understand because of his usual power differential that he has had basically his whole adult life,  his judgment was muddled by mental illness, alcohol, etc.

3. He didn't molest someone and he is the bastion of goodness the people defending him on Facebook are making him out to be. I have to believe if this were the case, though, he would understand the imperative to believe the person reporting by other people who understand the rape culture we live in.

Man I have a lot of thoughts and feelings about this.

I'm sorry Rory. That all sounds really shitty. <3

I'm not! Will she think it's weird if I'm like "I know your husband from the internet. I thought of your child's name. Be my friend so I can see pictures of her?" Haha

I had completely forgottenorgot that Brett was kind of a board villain for awhile! Ha!

Haha awesome!
Check out the podcast Spare the Rock Spoil the Child! I listen to it with the kids and enjoy it too!

More Adelie pics please!

Thanks :)

This made me tear up! Thank you Blake! ❤️❤️

I don't think I've heard grunge other than the bands you listed haha

I'm sorry. That sounds really frustrating. I am terrified of that age haha. I'm glad her relationship with her therapist is good. I wonder if she could use some one on one attention with you guys. I'm sure that's hard to admit or even recognize at that age.

Sorry Blake. What is your stepdaughter doing?

The Good Fairies of New York by Martin Millar

Yay!!

Happy for you and your family!! Enjoy tiny baby cuddles and sleep as much as you can while you're in the hospital!! ❤️❤️

The best thing you can do is to help Amanda not stress. They'll likely be monitoring her blood pressure a lot, if not continuously, and if it rises, regardless of the reason, recommend more interventions that come with side effects. If it's rising because of eclampsia, you want emergency action, but if it's just rising because a nurse is stressing her out or something, you don't. So anything you can do to keep her as calm as possible will help. Talk to her about your favorite memories, look at pics of her son, talk about the things you'll do together as a family, etc.
As much as you can, do the talking to care providers so she doesn't feel pressured. You can bring back what they say and talk to her about it calmly. message me if you want!