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Messages - rory

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1
General / Re: Watcha readin?
« on: December 08, 2017, 04:51:51 PM »
Science and Human Behavior by B.F. Skinner
A Derrida Reader: Between the Blinds
Vulnerability In Resistance

I'm in the early stages of all of these texts, though all the Skinner stuff is mostly review.

2
General / Re: What's everyone listening to?
« on: October 21, 2017, 11:38:50 AM »
I feel like a normie, but this band has really been bringing it for me. I didn't super care for Murder of the Universe, but Flying Microtonal Banana and this album, for different reasons, really resonate with me. I hate the band name more than any band I've ever enjoyed or probably ever will, though.

https://kinggizzard.bandcamp.com/album/sketches-of-brunswick-east

3
General / Re: Watcha readin?
« on: October 17, 2017, 10:35:07 PM »
Oh neat, did you study this in school, or just sort of develop your own interest?

I had started reading queer theory in school, but it was pretty surface level look. I tried to dive in on my own a bit after graduating, but as you probably know or can imagine, a lot of these texts are pretty dense without cursory knowledge of other philosophers, the language around philosophy, or any sort of reading guide/discussion. I fell away from it for a few years, but with ideas around it kicking around in my head for awhile now.


Mainly when I was in school I studied behavior analysis, which is also still something I've kept an arms-length interest in even while not applying my degree. My ex is also in grad school for it right now, and we've spent a lot of time over the years bouncing ideas about behavior analysis around. I picked up one of her textbooks (the behavior book mentioned earlier) and it all sort of clicked into some lines of thought I had been thinking about earlier. I think the philosophy behind behavior analysis relates to or works in tandem with a lot of the concepts brought to light from post structuralism, at least the bits I had gleaned from some reading years ago. I've been wanting to write about behavior social/political theory that is coherent but also true and accurate to the tenets of the science of behavior analysis.

I'm not sure any of this at this point is coherent, but the plan is for it to someday be!

4
General / Re: Watcha readin?
« on: October 17, 2017, 08:22:37 PM »
Instead of reading Dune, I bought a few "a very short introduction" books on Post Structuralism, Derrida, and Foucault, as well as A Critical Introduction to Queer Theory by Nikki Sullivan. I have some writing that I want to do, but I have to make sure I know what I'm talking about first. I've read some Foucault and Butler, but I'm fairly rusty on theory stuff these days, especially considering the esoteric writing style of those particular theorists.

5
General / Re: Watcha readin?
« on: October 11, 2017, 11:44:16 AM »
Recently finished:
Gay Berlin by Robert M. Beachy
Against The Fascist Creep by Alexander Reid Ross

Currently reading:
Antifa: The Anti-Fascist Handbook by Mark Bray
Radical Behaviorism: The Philosophy and the Science by Mecca Chiesa

I'm also thinking about starting Dune, but I'm not sure I can commit. Maybe that's a read for if I ever go on tour again.

6
General / Re: I quit facebook
« on: October 08, 2017, 08:18:21 PM »
I remember hearing some kind of wild statistic about how many hours a week the average American watched TV in the 90s/early 2000s, and I don't know what it was, but I remember it seeming egregious. But then I think back and I grew up in a household absolutely engrossed with cable TV. If someone was awake, 9 times out of 10 the TV was on, with that remaining 10th filled with music. It seemed so normal.

I think that technology and media go back in so many different ways, and are always critiqued for pulling people out of reality, as though there was a better time before it. I think most of humanity's history is toil, and when it's not, it's mostly filled up with how to occupy ones time when you're not just scraping through life.

But with every new technology and media, there's a unique way that it re-shapes societal living, and we are certainly on a fast-track for that kind of re-shaping comparatively. Comparing and absurd amount of television watching to what one experiences on social media is just not analogous. The interactive small dopamine bursts of social media, as well as the ways that those things are connected as the now most socially acceptable and palpable way to contact people, is such a weird position.

I do think that there's something to be said about being bored, though. If one source of near-constant reinforcement is cut off, a person is just going to have to find a new way to get their kicks. I quickly find myself dissatisfied watching TV when I can't break it up with social media, but I have found reading and guitar playing to be functional little bursts of activity to keep me from going into a spiraling boredom depression hole.

7
General / Re: I quit facebook
« on: October 06, 2017, 10:26:36 PM »
I work at a record store. It's a staff of 6 people, so it's not a ton to keep track of but just enough. But it is a thing where we post every day multiple times a day.

I have a flip phone so I don't have messenger, and it is pretty annoying not having everyone's contacts. I tried to get as many phone numbers and addresses as I could before I signed off, but I lost steam on it quickly.

8
General / Re: I quit facebook
« on: October 06, 2017, 08:24:43 PM »
to realize you can just have thoughts and experiences and not share them.

But it's such a weird sensation, right?! At least for a moment (and maybe this only applies to people who are particularly active on facebook - which I definitely was).

I've been on facebook for over 10 years, and maybe in college I took small breaks during times when I needed absolute focus, but they were so minimal and facebook wasn't the monster it is now then then I don't even really recall. Back then I was more apt to take breaks from forum posting and make myself log out of that, which I do remember doing and I do remember it being difficult.

Not being able to leave for the business makes sense. My work has had to re-structure some things for getting information to me because we centralized all communication, including schedules, on facebook. I thankfully did such minimal promotion with our businesses actual page, that it was acceptable for me to leave, for many that's not the case.

I always felt so tied to it because of show promotion. So far quitting facebook is the one somewhat positive consequence of my band falling apart. It has given me an opportunity to step away and I'm glad for the experience. I've been off of it for almost a month, and I have every intention of staying away until the new year. By then I may have enough momentum with new music projects that I may need an outlet to promote again.

9
General / I quit facebook
« on: October 06, 2017, 05:37:39 PM »
and it's been pretty good to me.

I read more, and I play guitar a ton (which I'm primarily a bass player, so it's been nice to direct my musical attention to something I'm not as good at, and that sounds better by itself), and after the initial shock of not having constant reinforcement for every small online interaction wore off, the quiet has been nice.

I've often times felt like I was very bad at reaching out to people to hang out, but now that I don't have access to everyone I could ever hope to contact, it feels less stressful. When I see people, it's more exciting. It's frustrating to not share every little inane thought that reminds me of someone with that person, but it's also okay to just kind of let it roll off of me and be forgotten.

I'm adjusting to the break up of my band and the hiatus from booking shows. I hit a dismal spot and had some strong suicide contemplation with some mild acting out around it. I don't know for certain that it's all behind me.

I'm trying to find purpose in my life now that my goals of the last few years have been dashed before my eyes, leaving me little to show for it. For now I'm trying to embrace the simple quiet of doing things just for me.

I'm not sure what this thread is really about, I guess without facebook it seemed like a good idea to put my long-form thoughts here, since there's not much else going on here anyhow. Have you all quit before? Or maybe never really got into it in the first place?

10
General / Re: Can I use this board as my personal blog too?
« on: September 10, 2017, 07:29:15 AM »
Darkrooms are super simple! For black and white photo at least, I have never seen a color lab, but everything I've heard is that you can't really makeshift set them up in your home like b+w.

I bought my two enlargers and pretty much everything else I needed on craigslist for really cheap. Where ever you live, this stuff is bound to pop up.

For developing, you just need the developing dank / a light bag (or a completely light proofed room), the chemicals (developer / stop bath (which you can use distilled white vinegar as apparently?) / fixer) and running water. You put the film in the developing tank in total darkness, then run the chemicals through it in order with specified time, rinse, and your film should be good! Though it is super simple, it's nerve wracking, because unlike printing, if you screw it up there's no going back.

For printing you need a light proof room and red lights, photo paper, the enlarger, trays / tongs for your chemicals, running water or just a way to run water over the photo (like a water bottle and a bucket), and a spot to dry things. The chemicals are the same as for the film, and you also go in that order, but it's in open trays instead of in a little tank. The enlarger is what you put your negatives (developed film) onto, and it projects it. You project it for a certain amount of tine / certain aperture setting (how much light is passing through) to produce a desired result. Do as many trials as needed until desired results, varying time and aperture, but after awhile you get a sense for it depending on where you shot / what film you used. The photo paper cannot be exposed to light until the image is fixed (has gone through all the chemicals).

I did this stuff in high school, and a couple times for as just personal hobby stuff. Being in the darkroom is a peaceful experience for me. Working in a crammed little dark cave with just some music and some simple goals in mind is really nice. When I've got some new photos I'm happy about I'll show you all! I have to admit that I'm not actually a very good photographer, but it's a hobby I've on and off enjoyed aspects of, so I try not to dwell on that fact so much. It's more about the process for me than the result much of the time.

11
General / Re: Can I use this board as my personal blog too?
« on: September 07, 2017, 05:08:30 PM »
Drawing more is part of my plan.

After this weekend I don't have any more shows at my house - most likely for the rest of the year. Without a tour to book or shows to run, I will soon be deactivating my facebook and spending a lot of time on myself. I plan to post more art stuff on my tumblr, and maybe if I get excited about some things, share them here!

I have a darkroom set up at a partner's house, but as of right now most of my photos that I love are of people who hurt me deeply. I need to take more photos to feel good about.

I also have a good friend who moved to Denmark, and we have plans to work on music together remotely, just sending things back and forth to add onto. I hope it happens.

12
General / Re: WTF
« on: September 03, 2017, 03:31:11 PM »
From what I remember about Paul stuff, I thought it was someone else (someone who also used to post on this board) who had moved to Bloomington and had quote unquote bad consent with a partner. People in Bloomington didn't handle it head on and Paul tried to and it got messy. That person eventually moved from Bloomington and so did Paul. This person in question had nowhere near the social capital of Chris but was friends with that whole scene obviously.

But I could have just ended up getting some sort of weird side story that is unrelated? No idea. This was many years ago.

13
General / Re: i made a change or two.
« on: August 26, 2017, 03:03:34 PM »
I hate it but at least my account is still here.

I mean unless I get banned for hating this.

14
General / Re: WTF
« on: August 26, 2017, 03:00:43 PM »
Reading more of the accounts and seeing such a blatant pattern, I feel kind of fucked up about my previous statements, but I'm going to leave them here. It's part of processing. Since I'm processing some (minor comparatively but thematically similar) things about my former bandmate and am taking him through accountability, I think when I wrote that I was in a position to think really intensely about restorative justice.

It's fucked that I think that I'm glad that I caught my bandmate in the throws of his lies and shitty behavior when I did, so that he didn't get worse and affect more people further away. I'm fucked up about having to wrangle supposed good men and keep them in line.

There's a lot to think about, but my heart is just aching for all these goddamn women that no one listened to for years.

15
General / Re: WTF
« on: August 21, 2017, 10:53:36 PM »
I believe it. I know the person who brought this to light, though not well, and it really seems to me that there would be no earthly reason to lie. I mean, really, honestly, do people think that it ever goes well for someone to out a popular abuser? Anyone I've known that has tried to make some traction for accountability for someone with more social capital then themselves has gone down one seriously atrocious road - all after being victimized in the first place. It's like living in a bizarro world (especially in DIY/punk circles) where everyone talks a big game about accountability and sticking up for victims - except of course in this circumstance where this victim is a liar and this person accused is untouchable.

Considering Chris' power, and considering his pretty public openness about struggling with depression and mental heath, I do worry for him. I worry that in being a rash and unstable person with a wide reach like he does, what could for one person just be a step in getting to a place where accountability is possible - internalizing it and making a big to-do about being an awful person rotten to the core - will just get fueled by friends and acquaintances who will stick up for and support that. He will lean into the pity thing, because that's what people do, but I wonder how many people around him will tell him that he isn't an inherently and specifically evil person, and cannot take that easy way out of accountability. One needs to know that they fucked up in a way that isn't wholly characteristic of their personhood or being.  That doesn't mean that what they did is even remotely excusable or okay. But if this person's main request for accountability is seeking therapy (which, let's be honest here, is a pretty damn mild request), dude has to believe that he can change and be better.

His position of power and influence greatly plays into why something like this would happen, may have happened other times, and without intervention could happen again. If people really care about Chris, they need to hold him to the requests of the victim.

I've been thinking a lot about accountability and restorative justice, and we just see almost no good examples it's devastating. It's hard to know what to do.


This shit is fucked. I really hope that the victim finds some sort of peace. I do also hope that for Chris, in a way that is hard to talk about.

16
General / Can I use this board as my personal blog too?
« on: August 18, 2017, 04:43:04 PM »
It seems like all 5 of us left are into this function, but it's hard to really say.

The last week and a half for me has been a total blur. I caught my bandmate and my partner together. My partnership has been going on for 6 years, with a 6 month or so break as we adjusted to a polyamorous structure. A pretty simple part of the structure is just to talk about who we're interested in etc. but this fellow's name never came up. Had it, I would have probably expressed how that is a bad idea, as he was in a decidedly very monogamous partnership for the last 5 years. It also could be awkward and messy as he was in two bands with two different partners of hers - but that aspect was more workable with good communication.

This whole thing had been going on for some time, and it's all quite related to both of them revving up their drinking over the last 6 months. What is really eating me up inside is I had my suspicions and doubts about my bandmate, and felt that maybe he was being purposefully a flirty / lusty character in a way to just be kind of mean to his partner. I should have called him on it and I should have told her. I feel gross for taking this guy on tour and for working on this band that meant so much to me for 5 years. Now that this is out in the open, I see some of his behavior as being totally manipulative and taking advantage of people, and he was never one to take criticism well, so it was hard to call him on small things.

Both of these folks live in my house, which has been an active punk house for over 6 years. I have 3 more shows to finish out (with my bandmate being asked to not be around for any of them), and plan to take a good hiatus. I don't know what to do about living with my former partner and former bandmate. He is going through an accountability process, which is primarily led by me, but the whole thing is painful and I don't know how much progress one can really make. Do people change? Part of my hope is in that both of them are quitting drinking. My ex cut it out immediately, because she's that way, but this guy is going to need some focused attention and guidance - which I am so far providing a bit of. While sobriety is probably a key element in this, it's not the whole story.

Though I've been booking bands at my house for 6 years, I've been feeling quite tired of it. It's something I'm good at, but it's mostly given people where I live the impression that I am sort of an unfun go-getter. People like that I do what I do and appreciate it, but they don't really like me. I've been feeling like easing myself out of it, but the band kept me where I'm at. It seemed totally worth it. It was the only thing keeping me going. The only drive in my life. It was the reason to keep the house, keep booking shows, keep my dead-end job. Without it, I feel completely and totally lost - and I'm so angry that a careless drunk friend being a manipulative creep has taken this away from me. I could deal with it if it was my own fault, but it's hard to watch as your high opinions of your closest friends and confidants peels away, and takes all your art with it.


This is probably a jumbled mess. My life has been a fog since the 9th, and whenever I can finally stop thinking about this mess that my life is, all I can think about is how the whole world is burning - or soon will be.

What keeps you all going?

17
General / Re: Watcha readin?
« on: July 05, 2017, 11:01:47 PM »
Normal Life by Dean Spade and Captive Genders, which is a collection.

Basically really on a do away with prison kick.

18
General / Re: Hey KW
« on: May 11, 2017, 12:18:48 PM »
Lol I'm unsure I would have ever noticed that pm. Filth Fest is a great time!

19
General / Hey KW
« on: May 04, 2017, 09:36:25 PM »
Not sure if you check the board much these day, but we're playing Filth Fest in Milwaukee together. See ya in June!

20
General / Re: What's everyone listening to?
« on: March 14, 2017, 09:30:02 AM »
He played drums for a very technical band that played my house a few years back called Para-Medics. He's friends with a few friends of mine and pretty much everyone describes him as an actual genius. I'm always stoked when good people get some traction on their hard work and diligence, so I'm really stoked for him.

21
General / Re: What's everyone listening to?
« on: March 13, 2017, 06:57:19 PM »
https://worldhistory.bandcamp.com/album/you-cant-stop-trying-lp-2010


I used to listen to this so much a few years back. Still in my "riding the bus or train" roster of albums. Good stuff!

I am so excited for the new Girlpool album. This song has been lingering with me for some time.

This incredibly talented acquaintance from Chicago just put out a pretty solid album, and this is a particularly catchy track.

Two weeks from now I will probably only be listening to Pile and Nana Grizol, as they both come out with new albums.

22
General / Re: Band that we can all agree are great
« on: February 10, 2017, 10:10:36 PM »
I love Defiance, Ohio, like Jawbreaker, and tolerate both Green Day and Beastie Boys.

23
General / Re: Band that we can all agree are great
« on: February 09, 2017, 09:38:52 AM »
I will take the worst meatloaf song over the best nofx song at least half the time.

My entire house is planning on quite possibly making a halloween cover band to do meatloaf songs.

24
General / Re: Band that we can all agree are great
« on: February 09, 2017, 07:42:22 AM »
So it's just still Defiance, Ohio then?

25
General / Re: Hey, you can't just
« on: February 07, 2017, 03:13:36 PM »
this shit looks sick I too missed 2005

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